Rated R
by Monolaf317
Summary: In a Third Grade flashback, Mackenzie, Brittnay, Shay, and Rachel attempt to sneak into an R-Rated movie. (The Most Popular Girls In School/MPGIS)


"I'm sorry, why am I at your house? I've got a spa appointment at 4." Brittnay Matthews asked her friend; Head Cheerleader, Homecoming Queen, Part-Time Model Mackenzie Zales.

"Brittnay, did you not hear everything what Mr. Mcneely said?" Mackenzie reacted, surprised and irritated at her blonde, bitchy Vice-Captain Cheerleader friend (as usual).

"No." Brittnay bluntly said.

Mackenzie's black ponytail was getting twisted and crooked in attempting to control her growing fury. "Ugghh…I really don't know how to say this, but you consider these projects to be so esoteric."

"'Esoteric'?" Brittnay genuinely didn't know what that new word meant.

(We flash inside Brittnay's brain. There is a conference table and a bunch of tiny Brittnays having a (not very orderly) committee meeting.

"'Esoteric'?"

"Does it mean 'tasty'?"

"Maybe it means 'shitty'."

"Goddammit Mackenzie, this had better not be another one of these science terms!"

"And _please_ let it not be an algebra word! You'll give us hives in our vagina!"

"Hey girls, girls! Esoteric means 'sexy'. 'Hot'. 'Ero-tic'. Get it?"

"We're going with that."

"Yeah, fuck this meeting!" We flash back out into the real world.)

"Mackenzie, what the fuck is arousing about boring, useless school work?" (Swing and a miss, Britt.)

"Brittnay, it's— _oh, Jesus_ —never mind. Mr. Mcneely wants us to find an old picture of 'Buddies' for the Graduation ceremony slideshow."

"Well, that explains why we're looking at a bunch of baby pictures."

"They're not _baby_ pictures." Mackenzie growled.

"Really? Wait…what's _this_?" Brittnay pointed at an old newspaper clipping inside the album.

"It's a clipping for a movie… _American Wedding_." Mackenzie read the flyer.

With her memory sparked, the hair strand that Brittnay put a band around shot straight up. "Oh, oh my God, I think I remember now…"

"Yeah. That was the day when we were in the Third Grade…" Mackenzie started smiling.

* * *

[Flashback time!]

At Mackenzie's house, she, Brittnay, Rachel Tice, and Shay van Buren were lying on the floor, looking for movies in the newspaper.

"These are all fucking _bullshit_." Brittnay complained.

"Yeah. There's nothing good right now." Shay said.

"I don't know what to watch…" Rachel mumbled.

"FOUND ONE!" Mackenzie suddenly shouted. The other three got around her to get a good look.

" _American Wedding._ I like this one!" Mackenzie pointed at the mini-poster.

"That one looks good!" Shay said.

"Is it a funny movie?" Rachel asked.

"I've seen the first two: _American Pie 1_ and _2_ , and they are _supercool_!" Brittnay told her. (Sorry, Carlo.)

* * *

The girls got into the theater lobby and walked up to the counter.

"Four tickets for _American Wedding_ , please." Mackenzie said, handing out cash and coins.

The ticket guy looked down at the group.

"Sorry, but can't you see that this movie is rated R?" is what he told them.

"So?" Mackenzie tried to talk back to him.

"Nobody under 18 permitted! You're all just a bunch of little kids!"

" _Just a bunch of kids?_ Fuck off." Brittnay shot at him and walked out with Mackenzie.

"Pleeaaaseee?" Rachel and Shay begged.

"Let's go, girls." Mackenzie called to the other two.

The four went outside.

* * *

"Guys, I've got a plan." Mackenzie got everyone else into a group huddle and whispered.

"Okay…but how the fuck would we do _that_?" Shay asked. She was hoping it would be anything but Mackenzie hitting her in the face.

"Is that gonna hurt?" Rachel worried. Rachel hoped it would be all over before she knew it.

"You're fucking kidding, right?" Brittnay grunted.

"Trust me. I'm sure everything will turn out _just fine_." (Are we supposed to believe that everything will be just fine every time you say that, Mack?)

* * *

A little later, the disguise was complete. The four third-grade girls were stacked on top of each other covered in a long trench coat. The result was an incredibly tall, babyfaced woman. An incredibly tall, _wobbly_ , babyfaced woman—like, _really_ wobbly.

"I…I can't see where we're going." Shay (in the near-top) complained.

"Oh my God, it's hot as fuckin' _balls_ in here!" Brittnay (on the bottom) whined.

" _What? Are we inside yet?_ " Rachel called from the near-bottom.

"Shh! We can this do this!" Mackenzie (wearing a fedora hat and black sunglasses on the top) reassured. As soon as they got in through an already-open door, they walked right into a wall. Ouch. Mackenzie managed to direct the group up to the counter without crashing into it (somehow).

"Ah-Good day, sir." Mackenzie tried her best to sound like an adult.

"Uh _huh_. Whaddya wanna see today, ma'am?" The ticket guy asked the "adult."

"Yes, _four_ please-uh, I mean, _one_ ticket. For _American Wedding_." Mackenzie said to the ticket guy.

The ticket guy took a good, hard look at the trenchcoated person. He then made his obvious conclusion.

"Yeeeaahhhh. Look, kid, did you really think this was going to fool anybody? You don't look anything _like_ you're over eighteen."

"What?" Mackenzie almost yelled.

"Goddammit!" Brittnay blurted from inside the coat.

Oh, good lord. Mackenzie had to cover. She rubbed her stomach, nervously saying "Ah—oh. I had some bad tamales today."

The ticket person came over and threw off the coat, revealing the stack of four Third-Grade girls. "Alright, get out. Out! OUT!" He picked up the kids and dumped them all on top of each other outside.

"SON OF A BITCH BASTARD!" Shay screamed.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Brittnay shouted.

"Oh well. We tried." Rachel solemnly said.

"I guess we'll have to find another movie, then." Mackenzie said while looking at the posters.

[And that concludes the flashback, folks.]

* * *

"…That did _not_ end well." Present-day Brittnay lamented.

"Thanks to you and your big-ass mouth, Britt." Present-day Mackenzie snarked.

"Hey, you were the one who made me go on the fucking bottom, Mack."

"Whatever. Anyway, we are _not_ procrastinating like _you_ do."

"Why the fuck did I get paired up with you, then?"

"UGH! I don't know either! Ask Mr. Mcneely!"

"Wait…is it already four?" Brittnay asked, looking around for a clock.

"BRITTNAY! We are not going anywhere! GOT IT?" Mackenzie couldn't help but raise her deepened voice once again.

"…Goddammit."


End file.
